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This is the tale of caveman hairy,
Who looked quite wild and he looked quite scary,
And he was strong and he was brave,
And he lived on his own in a nice warm cave.
Caveman Hairy fought with bears,
He went and got them from their lairs,
Even when the snow was deep,
And the poor old bears were fast asleep.
He fought big cats with sabre teeth,
He fought wild boar and his neighbour, Keith,
He fought enormous python snakes,
And giant catfish in freezing lakes.
One day while hunting, caveman Hairy,
Pounced upon a girl called Mary,
And though he had not planned to meet her,
He thought it would be rude to eat her.
And anyway, she's dead good looking,
I wonder if she's good at cooking?
And Mary thought, He needs a shave,
But I bet he's got a nice warm cave.
So Hairy took her home for dinner,
(He didn't want her any thinner),
And they ate berries and roast pork,
Without so much as a knife and fork.
But Mary soon refined her man,
As only a good woman can,
She made a bed from bison skin,
Put all the rubbish in a bin,
She swept the floor and hung some drapes,
And filled a bowl with pears and grapes.
Then Mary took a sharpened flint,
(Her man had not the slightest hint),
She quickly shaved off all his beard,
He thought it looked a little weird,
But now he's looking debonair,
He's changed his pants and combed his hair,
And Mary even lets him kiss her,
So whilst away, he's sure to miss her.
Caveman Hairy still hunts for food,
But overall his general mood
Is calmer now; his temper mild.
And he and Mary have a child.
He takes a bath and cleans his teeth,
No longer fights with snakes or Keith.
And Keith is pleasantly surprised,
His neighbour is more civilized,
The area is much improved,
They have each other round for food,
Now Hairy does not care to fight,
And comes home every single night.
It's been that way since way back when,
And that's what ladies do for men.
* * * * * * * *
Copyright ©
2009 Nicholas Trumble
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Caveman
Hairy
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